This Week in Weather

The beach, mostly empty due to sea monsters and giant sand crabs at this time of year

Tips for Beachcombing this summer in Northern Oregon / Southern Washington

Brought to you by the coalition of praying churches in the Dysmal Nitch area.

Be on the lookout for monstrous things from sea and sky.
Check out the tide table and go 3-4 hours after high-tide (the tide will be outgoing). Look for tide pools and flotsam line.
Don’t make eye contact with seagulls.
Bald Eagles do NOT make “hawk” noises as-seen-on-tv — please don’t make fun of our Eagles twinkling musical flute sounds. It hurts their feelings.
Never misidentify our local wildlife. NEVER. And gees, do not call the local migrational buzzards “falcons” <– this makes local citizens have bleeding ears.
Bring a walking stick
Never turn your back to the ocean
Go with a local who can keep you out of harms way
You’ll sunburn much faster near the water even on an overcast day, so wear a hat, scarf, or full hazmat suit.
There are lots of arbitrary rules not just for the coast but the section of coast you may find yourself standing on, make sure to abide by all of them and touch nothing.
The water in the ocean here is artic in origin and dangerously cold.
Yes there are sharks.
There are dozens of ways to die in and around the ocean.
Have fun!

Sign warning visitors to smile and not intimidate, mock or otherwise instigate an incident with sand crabs and definitely do not misidentify local wildlife. It’s just rude.

The communist jellyfish combine off the coast has demanded that the beach remain off limits to tourists as they get up to no good after sundown. We at the church suspiciously monitor the situation.

Here is a crab coming to visit his friends the seagull. Just like Isiah in the Bible he is about to learn a harsh lesson in reasonable judgement of associates.